May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm at about main and main street
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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