i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize