Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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