I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
