Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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