All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
