Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
