its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
