dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
