Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
