I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
