A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
