So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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