Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize