Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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