i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
