You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
