Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
