I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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