yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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