My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
