umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
