I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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