She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize