i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
