all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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