She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize