what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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