OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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