a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
