Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
