It's Friday. Sex?
this boner is exhausting
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
