I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
