I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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