wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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