Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
