My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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