watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
