I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
