a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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