If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Be still, my beating vagina.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
