I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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