he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
