He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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