if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
