A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
