Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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