I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize