he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
