he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
