So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
