So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
