im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
