found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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