I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
