My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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