Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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