I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
