We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
