all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
