what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
