I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
two words...techno handjob
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize