hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
