And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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