69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
