what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
