Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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