his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
