Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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